Long story short, human primates have been found to have more and more highly developed mirror neurons than other primates. And they code not only for actions but also action sounds and the intentions of others. Therefore, in evolutionary terms, mirror neurons have been selected. Why? Doesn't it have to do with the importance of facilitating social cohesion and the relationships necessary for our own survival and transmission of our genes ? We can't survive alone and therefore cannot pass on our genes.
Our fitness is enhanced through cooperation and interdependence. But we have to be able to trust the other with whom we are interacting to see if they are someone with whom we want to work/play. This is true not only for sexual selection but also for classical Darwinian natural selection. How can we discriminate? Mirror neurons may provide the mechanism by which we decipher the answer. And this would often happen unconsciously. One may not be able to find the reason for their choice in the rational cortex. "It's just a feeling" is said. "I just don't trust him". Then comes the rationalization to explain the choice.
It really is “follow the leader”, not so much by what he/she says but by what they DO.
Since our brains have neurons that mirror what other people DO, we have a “wireless” connection to those folks that we lead and serve. Whether we are aware of it or not our mirror neurons tune into the emotions of others through their ACTIONS. And those actions then reproduce their emotions in us through our mirror neurons. Empathy then results which allows us to identify with and understand another’s situation, feelings and motives.
Remember, “the media is the message”? How we give feedback is more important than what we say. The quality of the emotional energy that we DISPLAY sets the tone not only in us, but in them ! So the mood of the leader infects those being led. A leader that DISPLAYS a light, friendly, playful and positive mood infects those being led with a positive contagion. You’ve heard “a bad apple can spoil the whole barrel”. We’re not apples. But the metaphor holds. And the reverse is true. A friendly, caring leader doesn't always tell people what they want to hear. Yet that caring is "felt" and allows the listener to feel safe enough to hear what is being said and take personal responsibility for changing.
I've been known to say we need to focus on the people piece of the work place puzzle, i.e., on relationships and increasing Relational Intelligence, RIQ. Everything gets done through relationships. How people lead, serve, communicate, team, sell, parent, love, care for others and, get this, care for themselves gets done through relationships. And I start from the premise that we don't know how to do them very well.
In order to improve RIQ, focused attention is on four factors with an emphasis on personal responsibility. Not surprisingly then, the first thing is to help individuals develop a better relationship with themselves instead of being their own worst enemies. Why? Because how we treat others is a reflection of how we feel about ourselves. Second, speaking of "others" we want to help individuals develop better relationships with others both at work and at home. What happens at work affects what happens at home and the reverse is true. What happens at home affects what happens at work. Third, we have another premise. We are all underachievers. No matter how well we do anything, we can all get better. But we can't get better alone. We need help. Even Tiger Woods has a coach. And finally, how can we have more fun getting better? If we're not having any fun we won't keep getting better. It's the fun factor.
So we come full circle to the fun factor. It's fun to get to participate in a meaningful way in the lives of others. Leaders get to do just that every day, even Monday. TGIM !
