We all have learned not to run into the street without looking both directions. We all learned that "right way" just like we learned how to do many other things "right", "well". But we learned by making mistakes and the feedback was usually accompanied with physical punishment or some other form of diminishment. What's that? Not punishment but diminishing, belittling feedback.
"What's wrong with you?" "Won't you ever learn?" "Bad boy/girl, aren't you ashamed of yourself?"
Shame based learning leaves the child wounded on the path to learning the correct, right way of traveling through the world. Those messages get embedded into the fragile psyches of children. Then, when the child makes a mistake, the tape instantly repeats the negative self-talk:
"What's wrong with me?" "I never learn."
The implications are myriad but for now recognize that once those tapes are made they impede the learning process. The child tries something new, fails, and feels bad. (Were we not told that we should feel bad when we make mistakes!?) How do they stop the bad feelings? Stop trying the new thing. Go back to what you already know how to do the "right way".
Retreating from the new learning experience to the safe psychological space of competency, make sense. But in terms of unfolding giftedness that safe space is a "right way" trap. The lid it places on new learning closes out the risk of failing. It also limits the child's ability to experience the adventure of life. Without risk taking there can be no adventure. What approach explodes open the door for the adventure of limitless learning? Anything worth doing is worth doing right? Wrong!! Anything worth doing is worth doing wrong.
